Still Single and Bitter!

December 4, 2008

Dear Div,

All my friends are getting engaged, yet I've had 3 failed relationships and I hate women. I'm not turning to the dark side, but I'm bitter as hell. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Mr. Bad Luck

Dear BL,

It sucks doesn’t it? Seems like you only have one choice: have your parents go to India and find you someone. At least this way you’re almost guaranteed that none of your friends have hooked up with her before and she’ll remain loyal... at least till she gets her green card.

Even though it doesn’t seem like it, you’re not the only person who feels this way. After you reach a certain age and are single, you start to realize that a lot of your friends are in relationships and start wondering if you missed the boat. You see how happy they are and get stuck in "the grass is always greener" conundrum. As soon as a couple of friends start getting engaged, you feel like you’re the only single one around, always the third wheel. Soon you start feeling like maybe you made a mistake with one of your three failed relationships and try to rekindle an old flame. After a few weeks of talking, you realize why you broke up in the first place, and in turn get even more bitter because you can’t find that perfect someone like all of your other friends.

The funny thing is that your engaged friends are probably envious of you and your freedom. First off - NO I’m not saying all guys in relationships are miserable - just some are. To reiterate, I’m not saying they want to be single, what I am saying is that they are envious of some of the freedoms of single-hood. When you’re given tickets to the game last minute, you can just pick up and go. Your friends, on the other hand, have to call their girl and ask for permission. When you come home really late and just want to watch TV and go to bed, you can do that. These guys have to come home, change, and prepare to tell their girlfriend about their day while watching TV on mute. After they talk for a couple of minutes about their day, they then have to listen to her as she describes, in extreme detail, as to how her “friend” Sweta is a backstabber and always talks trash behind her back, naturally, followed by the discussion about what she should wear to Sweta’s birthday party this weekend.

What I’m trying to say is, even though you’re ready to settle down and be that envious guy in a relationship, don’t rush it. It will happen when it happens. What you’re doing is the same as watching a clock: time always moves slower when you’re watching it. Don’t focus on what you don’t have and enjoy the time you have now. Relationships generally come when you’re not looking for them anyway. So stop watching the clock, and as TI says, Live Your Life.

- Div

Comments

[Rohana]

well said, div!

[A]

Div,

ur column is awsome man. Your a genious thats all I have to say and hilarious... and for this one very well said..agreed..Enjoy life and let it come to you...Rock on!!!!

[R]

haha...hilarious! i've heard about Sweta's backstabbing sooo many times too! Gets old after while. dope column, lol

[Sav]

i say go to india...

[VJ]

Awesome words of wizdom Div. I felt like I was in the same position as Mr.Badluck but reading this column actually opened up my eyes a little. Good stuff, can't wait to read more from you!

[Mega]

i honestly couldn't agree anymore!

[Nikhil]

well hey, if you think about it, its a win-win situation..

you get to marry someone, and at the same time, she gets U.S. citizenship.

[Jassi Singh]

Dearest Divnain,

I'm gay and I think I like you! What do I do?

Love,
Jas

[Mr. Bad Luck]

Thanks, Div. Your comments are very wise and I will take them to heart. I never even thought about the other side that my friends who are engaged might be really miserable! I think I will go to England or Canada and get an arranged marriage, then I can avoid the back and forth of another failed relationship! Cheers mate!

[Mega]

i completely agree with div. you can't make anything happen before you time comes. however, while you're bored go out with other friends, keep your time occupied.

[T]

Yo div,

You are spot on! I recently got a place on my own after living with my gf for a couple of years. We've also been on a break for the past few months after a 6 year relationship. I could not agree with you more about the joys of having freedom in our every day lives. LIke you said, its the simple pleasures of watching what you want, when you want, sitting on the computer as long as I want, leaving my socks laying around if I want..lol. Us guys, in our mid twenties, live extremely hectic lives between our demanding careers and keeping up with our network of friends.

Good luck to all the newlyweds who married in their early to mid-twenties. I just dont get it :/

[Rohana]

Div,
You are a rockstar...it's funny cuz it can sort of apply to us girls too! Keep the advice coming!