Why Good Girls Date Losers

November 2, 2008

Dear Div,

First of all, I am a dude, not a girl. Just wanted to clarify that. I've noticed that a lot of my friends (girls) who are in school with me are dating dead end losers. They either wear clothes that are too large for their body types, have "fitted" hats, still drive hooked up Honda Civics, speak Ebonics, or all of the above.

Now these girls who date these guys are in a professional program and on their way to becoming health professionals, so why do they settle for losers like them?

They're friends with us normal guys (and by normal I mean educated, sophisticated, and wear clothes that fit) but refuse to be interested in us.

Please give me your input.

Thanks,
Confused Normal Guy

Norm,

I totally feel where you are coming from. I’ve noticed the same thing. A lot of these great girls who are attractive and on the right path in life are attracted to guys whom I refer to as D-bags (DB’s). This is actually a quandary I have thought about before and have come up with a two part theory as to why these hot, educated girls are attracted to the aforementioned DB’s. It boils down to them wanting to feel a sense of balance and also the need to nurture and make the world a better place.

To be in a professional program of any sort means you have dedicated a lot of time and effort in ensuring you have a secure future. That being said, it is safe to assume these girls are organized, studious, and goal oriented. These DB’s that you mentioned happen to be the complete opposite of this and it fascinates these girls. They bring balance to the girls' lives by representing the other side of the spectrum. Being on the opposite side of the spectrum gives these girls a false sense of completion, which in turn is why they decide to give these guys a chance. After being in the relationship they realize that their theory of completion was wrong and that changes need to be made, which leads me to the second part of the theory: The Project Period.

Girls for some reason look at relationships differently than us guys. They view them as projects - things that they want to fix and mold into their ideal situation. Many people follow the saying “If it works broken, why fix it?” With girls it’s more like “It doesn’t work unless it’s broken so I can fix it”. So, rather than cutting their losses, these girls begin the project period of the relationship where they try to construct the perfect boyfriend. Occasionally they are successful because the guys grow out of that phase. Other times they completely fail and are left stuck in the predicament of having invested years in this project and having nothing to show for it. This will either make them bitter about guys and end it or try and hold on and slowly let it fizzle out.

Now keep in mind this is still a theory, though I feel I have a lot of valid points in here. What I now plan to do is put this theory to the test. My plan is to develop certain tendencies that I feel will be attractive for women to want to “fix” and see what type of response I get. I’m thinking about developing a drool and perhaps wearing a fanny pack full time. If you would like to partake in this experiment with me, please develop certain “fixing” tendencies and keep me updated as to what you find.

- Div

Comments

[Over Achiever]

Hey Div,

I absolutely LOVE reading your column.. I think it's hilarious and check the site obsessively to see if you've posted a new one yet! Just to add to your theory, I think there's actually a 3rd component.

From a girl's perspective, these types of 'good girls' are what I would classify under "Insecurity at it's finest." They spend a lot of their lives ensuring that they're successful and ahead of the game, but when it comes to sharing their life with someone, they can't handle having someone who is remotely up to par with them and therefore, date DB's.

Thoughts??

[The Gangster Accountant]

Div,

Let them be happy. Just because he seems like a loser, he could be a great guy. As long as he makes her happy, thats all that matters.

[My clothes fit]

If he thinks that dressing, talking, and walking like a gangster will make him into one, and if he thinks that one should even aspire to be a gangster in the first place, he is a DB.

[mega]

As a girl, i have to say sometimes we dont think right...

sorry normal guy. things will come around for you =)

[Niki]

Hahahaha, that was so cute. As a girl, I wondered the same thing sometimes. Seeing my A-Student friends dumb themselves down for "g'ed up" guys. You know what though- it's not even just about being the project, it's just about being bored with your life and getting lost in someone elses. I mean, that's the only trend I've noticed other than what you've aldready mentioned. It's entertaining though, to watch how the relationships form and end. The truth is some of those girls aren't as amazing as they come off to seem. There are decent girls out there looking for normal guys. Sometimes it's just the guys not looking in the right places, perhaps giving too much credit to these so-called "great girls".

[GreenSan]

"It boils down to them wanting to feel a sense of balance and also the need to nurture and make the world a better place"

wow, that line touched my heart...u know me so well

[ankur]

I feel this guy's pain, and appreciate your theory, however, a third or fourth component is a modern feminism, which is to be distinguished from actual feminism. I will make the assumption that Norm is distinguishing health professional girl and Honda Civic guy by class, among other things. If this is true, than the ability to feed a man, to clothe him, to do everything that his kind as done to your kind since the beginning of time, is nothing short of an evolutionary [insert O face].

[jp]

wait, does this mean that if i wear baggy clothes and speak ebonics i can't be successful? coulda fulled me.

i <3 you divnain

[tanisha]

but you know what else i always wonder..the educated and "nice" guys are very often a little too shy. they go extremely slow in terms of asking a girl out or expressing their feelings and in the mean time someone else who is not shy and can use his "charm" to make a girl fall for him..usually ends up getting the girl.

so all you nice guys out there...please dont be shy!!