July 23, 2008
Dear Div,
I have a crush on this boy that
just got out of a long term relationship. I've been waiting for months
for him and his girlfriend to break up, and now that they finally did,
I'm wondering how long I should wait before I go in for the kill? I'm
not too sure of what I want from this in the long run, but all I can
say right now is that he is a hottie and I'd like to get a little cozy
with him... if you know what I mean.
Signed,
Anonymous
Dear Captain Horny Pants,
As far as when to make your move, it really depends on two key factors.
1. What you’re looking to get out of this rendezvous.
2. How hot you are.
Generally after getting out of a long term relationship, a guy is initially looking to make up for lost time. What you need to keep in mind is there are a lot of girls, just like you, who have admired his ability to maintain a loving and caring relationship while at the same time being completely unattainable, giving him that extra sex appeal.
If you just want a hook up, please follow these guidelines:
The hottest of the admirers are going to have first dibs on this “hunk”. This is where your level of hotness comes into play. Following the standard 1-10 scale with 10 being the most and 1 being the least, if you’re between a 7-10 you should be a shoe in for anywhere within the first three weeks of the breakup. 4-6’s need to wait until the second to third month after the break up, and anything below that needs to wait longer or catch him on a drunk lonely night.
Now if you’re looking for something a little more serious and not just a hook up, what you want to do is be the girl that flirts with him but never hooks up. By being that one unattainable girl, you will start a shift in power towards you and he will soon realize that the other ones are no challenge, and we all know that everyone likes a challenge. Once the power's shifted, you have yourself a perfectly functional boyfriend. This is more of a process, in which case you will have to invest a good 3 months or more of flirting without giving into temptation.
Below I have created a hook up flow chart for easy reference.
| Level of Hotness (1-10 scale) |
Hook-Up Time Frame (post breakup) |
|---|---|
| First 5 minutes to 3 weeks | |
| 2 - 3 Months | |
| More than 3 months or drunk lonely night |
Oh I forgot to mention...this is all contingent on the fact that he broke up with his girlfriend and she didn't break his heart. If she broke his heart... then kindly disregard what I have just said. But otherwise, your time frame to go in for the kill ranges anywhere from 5 minutes to a lonely drunken night.
- Div
wow some of the best advice ever hahah hilarious too!
Posted by: Manan Amin | July 23, 2008 at 03:17 PM
haha! thanks for the great advice!
Posted by: Captain Horny Pants | July 23, 2008 at 06:01 PM
hahaha....ask div....hahaha...
Posted by: Divu | July 23, 2008 at 11:24 PM
HAHAHAHAHAHAH I LOVE IT HAHAH
Posted by: mega | July 23, 2008 at 11:28 PM
that has to be the most retarded piece of advice i have ever heard.
Posted by: Nik | July 23, 2008 at 11:29 PM
Found the whole hotness table pretty amusing.
Posted by: vin | July 23, 2008 at 11:31 PM
haha seriously though. While there are a few things that I personally disagree with, it is a well written piece of advice.
Posted by: Nik | July 23, 2008 at 11:35 PM
this is pretty true
after that break up you need to get back in the game quick
i really liked the table lol
Posted by: Matt | July 23, 2008 at 11:36 PM
damn.
Posted by: shilpa | July 23, 2008 at 11:41 PM
too funny, great advice for the women Div!
Posted by: Inder | July 23, 2008 at 11:58 PM
haha thats funny & ridiculouss
Posted by: sonia | July 24, 2008 at 12:08 AM
You are a shameless fool
Posted by: outraged | July 25, 2008 at 01:53 AM
i followed your advice and now i have chlamydia. you ruined my life.
Posted by: Burning | July 27, 2008 at 01:06 AM
The hotness table/hook up flow chart is hilarious.
Posted by: Rishi | August 06, 2008 at 03:38 PM
this advice is very good and very true. i will recommend this site to many of my friends... you are very wise and i feel many people can learn a lot from you...
you are indeed a real-life Hitch. =)
Posted by: Vishal | August 06, 2008 at 08:09 PM
"Dear Captain Horny Pants"
hahaha you're cute. I love it! =]
Posted by: Niki | November 03, 2008 at 04:45 AM