Side Chick Syndrome

February 27, 2009

Dear Div,

I dated this guy for 5 months [everything was going just fine] when all of the sudden after the 5th month's end, the guy cut off all communication with me....no phone call, no contact whatsoever......he didn't even "officially" end the relationship, just kinda left. Well long story short, the SAME guy has come back into my life...he pologized for everything he did..what is his motto behind all this??????? I don't get it, why would you treat someone that way, and all of the sudden make another entry into the SAME girl's life.....oh and this time...because of the financial crisis, he was a little short on money......so instead of going to his CLOSE friends or family members, he came to me.....does that mean anything?? ugh! I'm SO confused with this guy.....I know i love him, because I have not been able to give any other guy a chance...can you please help guide me a little to what really is going through this guy's head?????

P.S. When we talk on the phone and he gets another call, he usually hangs up the phone with me saying he'll call back....but never does make a call back. What is going on?!?!?!?! Why is he acting like a jerk!

- Sweets

Dearest Side Chick,

So let me get this straight... Dude drops you out of the blue, randomly comes back to you later, “pologizes”, then asks you for money... and you take him back no questions asked? Let me pose a different scenario to YOU and please let me know what you think about it:

I dated this girl for 5 months [everything was going just fine] when all of the sudden after the 5th month's end, the girl cut off all communication with me....no phone call, no contact whatsoever......she didn't even "officially" end the relationship, just kinda left. Well long story short, the SAME girl has come back into my life...she pologized for everything she did...oh and this time...because of the financial crisis, she was a little short on money......so instead of going to her CLOSE friends or family members, she came to me. P.S. when we talk on the phone and she gets another call, she usually hangs up the phone with me saying she'll call back....but never does make a call back.

Now that you are looking at a different scenario that you are completely detached from, can you tell that I’m getting played?

It’s actually fitting that you sent me this question because a lot of people have been asking and I was going to write an article titled “How to Know if You’re the Side Chick”. Thanks to you, I no longer need to write this piece because your question pretty much answers that question. The only thing I would have done differently is make it more sarcastic and most likely find a way to mention my natural athletic ability, which may I add is top notch.

But I digress. You’re interested in what is going on in this guy's head and here it is: He has found a girl who is all about him; he can leave for extended periods of time, come back, and she’ll STILL accept him. He can talk to her on the phone until he finds something better to do and not worry about her getting upset when he doesn’t call her back. Why would he leave you? You let him do whatever he wants.

It seems as though you are his safety net or more of a back up plan. He has the freedom to go out and talk to/hook up with whoever he likes and then when the amount of girls slow down or he gets lonely, he just comes back to you because he knows you’ll always take care of him. He knows you will always give him that affection he is trying to find in others.

You are like the smart kid in class that people only start talking to during exam time or when they didn’t finish their homework... except you’re not acting too smart right now. It is totally apparent that you’re aware he is playing you by the way in which you asked your question and the specific examples you decided to bring up. Maybe you’re just looking for someone to confirm it for you, so I’ll do it!

You are being played.

Even if we give him the benefit of the doubt and say he hasn’t been messing around with other girls, why would you want to be with a guy who completely drops a girl that he is apparently into and then comes back to her later coincidentally when he is in need of money? You should never treat anyone as a priority when they treat you as only an option. Realize that you are a prize and not an option. Relationships are all about equality. Don’t let anyone walk all over you and make sure they EARN the right to be with you.

- Div